The True Name of Heero Yuy
by Athenia
Summary: Relena asks Heero a simple question, but how much will Heero reveal about his past? Please Review! I'd like that very much!


Athena's Note: Alright, here's my very first Gundam Wing fanfic! Yay! 

*the peasants rejoice* No, I don't own Gundam Wing or it's characters...blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. Heero's past as stated here is taken from Episode Zero and mixed in with a sprinkle of my own imagination. Enjoy!

He just came out of the blue one night. He just came and sat there- never saying more than a few solitary words. The first night, Relena had been sitting in her chair reading a book when she heard a rattle of someone trying to break in through the balcony doors. Startled and frightened, she drew back the curtains. She gasped as her eyes met an intense steel gaze in the black night. Heero! Lightning flashed as the rain poured down, drowning everything in black chaos...everything except Heero Yuy. Caught off guard, Relena fumbled with the lock, but successfully opened the porch doors. What was he...? 

The rain ran down his face and dripped off the tip of his nose- he was drenched -but this didn't seem to faze him in the least. His cold expression remained.

"Heero...?"

"Can I come in?" Heero asked solemnly.

"Sure I-" Relena stepped out of his way.Heero walked straight to her bedside and sat down on the floor next it, leaning his back against the bed. Heero's fierce eyes were distant, yet intensely focused on something she could not see. Still shocked, Relena opened her mouth to question Heero, but thought better of it. She could ask him her questions later. Now was not the time.Relena resigned to her comfortable chair and reluctantly returned to her book.Heero was silent the whole time, his mind caught somewhere, thinking about what, Relena didn't have a clue. It was well after midnight when he finally spoke. 

"Thank you, Relena."

The golden haired girl looked up from her book, ready to hear what he had to say, but he was already getting up and headed for the glass doors. Relena haste fully followed him.

"Where are you going Heero? You can stay if you want..."

Heero walked out onto the balcony, straight to the ledge. The rain had stopped.Heero paused, looking up into the night. He is so stubborn, she thought. Uncertainty crept into Relena's skin; the worrisome fear that she would never see him again struck her heart.

"...will you come back?" She asked quietly. Heero jumped onto the ledge, and turned he face towards her.

"Yeah. Tomorrow night?"

"Sure. I'll be here." And with that Heero jumped into the night. 

Back inside her room, Relena worried that maybe he wouldn't return, that somehow he would be swallowed up by the night, or kidnapped by whatever problem that was plaguing him, without a trace left. But sure enough, Heero came back the next night and the night after that.Those nights turned into weeks and soon, those weeks turned into months. And each time one more one was said and the silence between them would say the words much better than if spoken. 

Heero's mind gradually left that unknown dimension; his eyes stealing thoughtful glances upon on Relena. Likewise, Relena would occasionally peek behind her book, stealing her own glances at the mysterious solider. This game continued until one night, the pair caught each other's gaze. At first, Relena thought he would quickly look away...but he didn't. He stared back with his intense Prussian eyes, bearing into her heart- questioning her, challenging her. She felt naked, utterly naked under his gaze, but she would not back down either. Not on her life. Heero was scrutinizing her very being and she was determined not to break. Not now. What was he trying to prove? Was he testing her? Relena threw back a glare of defiance, but the intensity of Heero's gaze continued. Relena could feel herself weaken, her strength eaten away by Heero's glare., but she wouldn't, not for anything, back down.

Suddenly, Heero rose to his feet- and without breaking his fierce gaze- walked over to her chair. He easily plucked the book out of her grasp, and placed his hands on the arms of the chair. His face, with his cold burning eyes, was about a foot from her face. Relena's body involuntary quivered; she desperately hoped that Heero could not see the turmoil she was feeling.

"If you look away now, you can still save yourself from the consequences." 

Heero voice was low and smooth, not a hint of any unsettledness. Relena's heart fluttered at the sound of his voice, but she fought to outwardly kept her composure.

"I'm sure I could handle any consequence it brings."She responded calmly.

Was his face getting closer to hers? Or was she the one leaning towards him? An unknown force drew them both close. Very close. 

"Even if it means I have to kill you?" He asked softly. Relena could feel his warm breath brush against her lips. His eyes no longer held the challenge; the blinding intensity. Instead, behind the cool expression, his eyes were filled with a certain sincere, compassionate emotion- an emotion Relena had seen only once before.

"Even if you have to kill me..." Relena answered smiling as Heero closed the tiny space and caught her lips with his.

Soft morning light crept through the curtains; slowly making its way around the room. The virgin rays bounced off the fresh linens creating an unearthly glow around the poster bed. And amidst the satin sheets laid Heero Yuy. Wide-awake, Heero laid pondering her question. _Heero, what is your real name_? Heero thought about this very carefully. What should he tell her? The implications…Revealing his true name meant that he would have to tell her about his past too…a painful confusing past. Some things the Perfect Solider couldn't remember, but others remained permanently imprinted on him. Like the Death. The Innocence Deaths. The raw, ravenous emotions…But somehow Relena could see the black amber-eyed ghosts that plagued his inner mind.

Heero glanced at his partner lying beside him. Relena Darlian was still peacefully fast asleep. Her chest rose up and down to the rhythm of her gentle breath. An affectionate smile spread across Heero's lips- she looked so innocent, so pure. Heero reached out to touch her face, but then pulled back. No, he wouldn't wake her just yet. Heero's gaze traveled down Relena's sleeping figure, studying how the satin sheets curled around her body, seductively emphasizing each curve. Heero smiled and then his thoughts drifted to the night before, the night when Relena had asked, _Who are you, Heero Yuy?_

************

It was close to midnight when Relena Darlian strode into her bedroom with Heero Yuy close behind. 

"These political socials are starting to wear on my manners," Relena sighed. She stood in front of her mirror tugging at the ribbon that held her hair back. 

"I know it's my duty and to my advantage to dance with the elder aristocrats, but during every dance all they want to do is to talk about me."Relena did her best impersonation of the old-fashioned aristocrats as she untied her hair. 

"My dear Miss Relena you look so elegant in that new dress of yours! I heard you were simply brilliant at the Terra convention last week! Bravo! I've never seen another person that speaks with your eloquence and air." Relena finally released her hair.

"And to which I always respond, 'Why thank you Sir so and so. Your kindness and sincerity is very much appreciated.' Dance after dance, it's same conversation. " Relena sighed as she set the ribbon on the dresser. Silence filled the room for a moment. Relena could hear soft steps walk across the carpet. She could acutely feel his presence behind her. He covered her hand with his. Relena slowly turned around to meet his eyes.

"You like dancing with me." Heero answered.

"But they don't dance like you Heero." 

"Then you should dance with me more often."

Without another word, Heero brought Relena's hand to his shoulder as he slipped his other arm around her waist. A bit puzzled at first, Relena soon got the hint. The pair twirled about to music only they could hear.

***

Heero could feel her warm breath tickle against his neck. Their dance had settled down now to a slow, sway. Relena rested her head upon his shoulder. He held her close, and maybe he thought, just maybe, if he held her close enough those cold memories, those black thoughts, would truly go away just for a moment…

Relena gently pulled her face away from Heero's neck and looked into his eyes. Heero greeted her aqua eyes, staring right back into her. Relena's eyes, filled with love and passion, pierced through him straight to his heart.

"Heero," Relena's voice broke the silence and also the fear that started to well up inside him.

"Yes?"

"What is your real name? She asked.

Taken by surprise, Heero broke his gaze and looked away. He put up his protective glassy stare. He couldn't answer questions like that! He just couldn't. Especially about his past. There was so much he didn't remember, and yet there were things he didn't want to remember. Life was much easier if no questions were asked.

Relena rested her head against his chest, unsure if she should regret what she just said.She had only asked what his real name was, but she was actually asking much more. Too much.Both were silent. Time and the gentle swaying of their bodies seemed to melt away the uneasiness left by Relena's question. After a while, Heero spoke.

"I could tell you, you know," Heero mused, "But then I would have to kill you." 

Relena could sense Heero's inward smile. 

"Oh really?" Relena smiled, relieved.

"Did anyone ever tell you curiosity killed the cat?" He said into her ear.

"Ahh…" Relena answered, "My curiosity has had many opportunities to kill me but…" She brushed her lips against his ear. "…but it seems he never can."Relena anticipated Heero's reaction out of the corner of her eye.

Foolishly, Heero opened his mouth to chide her for thinking so recklessly…but stopped. **She** was making fun of **him**. No one made fun of Heero Yuy. No one.

Instantly, Heero's hold on Relena changed. He no longer held her with a light, tender touch.He held her as if she was caught- ensnared in a trap. He spoke into her ear coldly.

"Don't push me." He growled.

Heero could hear Relena's breath catch in her throat. 

"What makes you think I couldn't kill you right now? You've become too trusting Vice Minister Darlian." He sneered.

Heero felt her confusion radiated through him as he held her firmly in his arms. Maybe he shouldn't have spoken to her like that. He only wanted to frighten her a little. Relena became still under Heero's firm grip.

"Hmm? What makes you think I couldn't kill you right now? Answer me." Relena was silent and still for a moment. Then she quietly spoke into his ear.

"Because…" she whispered, "your gun is in your jacket. And your jacket…" She continued, "…is on that chair." Relena pointed across the room at a recliner. The Perfect Solider looked at Relena then at the chair and then back again. He stared in disbelief. Damn! Beaten again! Heero let out an exasperated sigh of sigh of defeat. Damn, he loved her so much. Relena giggled, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

"What are you going to do now?" She asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"The only thing left to do" Heero replied, "I'll take you with me."

And with that Heero grasped Relena's legs and threw her over his shoulder.

"Heero!" Relena cried, having trouble controlling her laughter. "Put me down!" With Relena hanging over his shoulder, Heero nonchalantly strolled over to the chair and deftly slipped out his gun from his jacket. Meanwhile, Relena tried to lift herself up u to no avail.

"Heero Yuy! Let me down this instant!" 

"Stop squirming so much." 

Heero popped out the cartigde, juggling both gun and cartridge in one hand. The other, of coarse, held tightly onto Relena. Hearing the quick snaps and clicks of the gun, Relena became mildly alarmed.

"What **are** you doing?" She asked, but Heero just continued to fiddle with his gun.

"Answer me, Heero!" Relena was starting to get a little frustrated; she still couldn't see anything that was going on.

"I'm checking to see if my gun is loaded." Heero finally responded.

"Is…?"

Smiling deviously, Heero snapped the last piece in its place.

"Now it is."

Relena held tightly onto Heero as he abruptly whirled around, walking away from the chair. Relena's golden hair hung over her face like drapery, preventing her from seeing where they were headed. All senses alert, she listened carefully to every movement and sound. And waited. Heero stopped. Relena could hear him set his gun down on a table.

# My nightstand? Wha-

Relena's thoughts were cut short as Heero swiftly took her off his shoulder, into his arms, then gently laying her on the bed, in one smooth motion. Relena could smell the fresh sheets as her head sunk into the soft feather pillow.

A moment later, Heero's face came into her vision. His face and body close to hers, Heero gazed deeply into her eyes. Instantly, Relena's nerves were calmed; her apprehension gone. Hearing his shallow breath and feeling his chest against her, put Relena into a stated of eternal calmness. Breaking his gaze, Heero closed his eyes, and laid a sweet kiss on her forehead. Inhaling, Relena's eyelids closed as she felt his lips against her skin.

"And the gun?" Relena asked, her eyes still shut.Heero's face came back into view as Relena opened them. His face wore an affectionate expression.

"In case I change my mind." Heero said smiling, tracing his fingertip lightly a long the edges of her cheekbone, down to her jaw. "Or…" Heero continued, "in case some unfortunate soul decides to interrupt us."Relena's eyes danced as Heero sealed his promise with a sweet kiss.

************

Heero grinned at the memory. He glanced over at the still sleeping Relena. Yes. He could tell her, Heero mused. She could handle it. Relena had seen, heard and had been involved in more stressful situations than most people. Who was he kidding? She could probably understand where he was coming from better than himself. She had also witnessed her father's death…and at the same time informed that the father and mother she had known all her life were not her biological parents.Heero couldn't decide which was worse, a warm, secure life shattered or a life where there was nothing to shatter. Nothing worth losing anyways. At least she had some memories that she could hold on to…

Heero bent down, touching his finger under her chin, and kissed the sleeping beauty. He pulled away, still gazing at her, as her eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning." Heero said softly. Relena drew a deep breath stretching her arms out, and then curled up again, hugging her pillow. She looked at Heero with huge, innocent eyes.

"Good morning." Relena cooed, smiling brightly. Heero stared into her clear aqua eyes and became lost for a moment, only coming back when he remembered he had to tell her something important.

"I want to tell you." He said. Relena understood the vague statement.

"I can only tell you what I know, what I remember…" He continued. Heero laid his head back down on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. After a brief moment of silence, he spoke, speaking in an emotionless voice. His past couldn't be explained any other way- it, itself was devoid of emotion. 

"I was raised by a professional assassin called Odin Lowe. And I was trained from a young age to follow in his footsteps. When I was 10, Odin told me that he was going to abandon me after our last mission. He said he wanted me to live a normal life." Heero paused. "Odin got himself killed on that mission. From then on, I was free to do what I wanted."Silence.

"I went by Odin Lowe."

Relena gazed intently at Heero's profile. Odin Lowe she murmured, the name certainly fit his fascinating past.

"Soon after, Dr. J found me. And he offered me a job I couldn't refuse."

Heero's train of thought paused. He could still hear Dr.J's exasperated voice…

You can come with me and use your life to fight against OZ for the colonies, or you can rot on the streets- which do you prefer?

Heero shook his head, gently pushing the memory away, but it didn't stop the flood of further memories of his accomplishments as a gundam pilot- both good and bad. 

Heero finally brought himself out of the lurking memories to the task at hand.

What else could he say? Was that the end? His name….

"Dr. J knew about Odin. I don't know how- not many people know about him. The Higher Powers including OZ made sure all records associated with the assassination of Hero Yuy were deleted. Anyway, he knew that a gundam pilot running around with the name Odin wasn't such a good idea. Operation Meteor's goal was not only to take over the earth, but also to revenge the death of Heero Yuy. The chances of meeting a high official who knew of Odin were too high and very dangerous, so he gave me the more appropriate codename Heero Yuy."

There. He said it. Heero's questioning eyes met soft, reassuring face. Content with himself, Heero stretched out and laid his head upon Relena's stomach. Glowing with a maternal expression, Relena played with Heero's unruly hair, running it through her fingers.

# My beautiful dark angel…

Time passed and the solider and princess just laid there, soaking in the morning rays. Time passed without another word between them, only the gentle sound of fingers running through hair. The color and the décor of the room had a surreal effect- almost like they were in heaven with the yellow light and the warm caressing breeze.

"Heero?"

"Hn?" Heero answered without opening an eye.

"Do you remember…do you remember your mother?"

Heero frowned and opened his eyes. "My mother?"

"Yes…." Relena said slowly, "Do you have any memories of her?"

Dumbfounded, Heero opened his mouth, but then shut it. Those memories- the time before Odin Lowe, the short time when he actually possessed pure innocence- had died a long time ago. All those years with Odin, he had lived inside his head with an exhausting intensity; his own little world. Odin Lowe Jr. experienced things a child normally wouldn't experience until much later in life. Or for some, not at all. Heero came to reguard the rest of world with a cool pretended indifference. He did this to keep himself from going crazy, handling everything with a cold objectivity that could to protect him from potential pain- though it didn't totally eradicate his feelings. He didn't let that happen.

"No…I don't remember anything of my life before Odin." Heero replied, with a silver of regret. Did he really have no memories of his real parents?? Why? Why did it have to be that way? Heero put this question to rest a long time ago, but something nagged at Heero's mind and heart. With Odin, he didn't have much time to dwell on what his life was like before. He always assumed Odin saved him from the streets- though Heero never had any memories of living on the streets. And still…he must have had a mother one way or another. Heero's eyes furrowed in frustration. He didn't even have a clue what she looked like! How pathetic was that? Damn him! Odin was never one for volunteering information. Heero never asked about his past- he knew he would never get a straight answer. Damn him and his ways! Heero thought angrily- he couldn't even remember her face! Her name! Then suddenly, out of nothingness, a memory rose deep within Heero's mind and struck him forcefully.

…but her long black raven hair had fallen over her face like a shroud, hiding her porcelain face forever.

Heero's breath caught in his throat. His mind went numb as he increasingly realized the truth of the memory. That day, the day that changed his life- his soul, forever. Heero drew a breath and it all came rushing back.

************

The dust had settled. A thin white film covered the surface of anything that wasn't already covered by debris. All was quiet now. An eerie stillness crept over of what remained of apartment building 212. Somewhere, seemingly in another dimension, sirens could be heard but they were far, far away and of little use now…

"_Michiko!!_" A man's voice rang out through the stillness, and death.

"_Michiko_!" He yelled again, succumbing to a fit of coughing.

Damn it! He thought, why did she have to come _here?_ She could have gone anywhere…why here? He knew the answer, but he didn't want admit it. The man continued his search through the rubble. Finally, he came to the apartment, or what was left of it, on the 2nd floor.

The man saw a pale delicate hand stick out from beneath a fallen wall. _Damn it!_

With strong hands, the man picked up the heavy pieces of plaster off the broken body.

_God!…Michiko!_ A young woman, about 20 years old, laid face down on the floor. The man couldn't bring himself to turn her over. The man stared at her body for a long moment with disbelief and regret. He hesitantly slipped his fingers through her hair and lightly touched her neck. No pulse. Lead ran through the man's blood, a steel glare overcame his face. But that didn't shield the emotion and distress reflected in his eyes.

Why did she have to suffer for my sins? Why?? She never deserved this…my sweet nightingale…why?? She sacrificed so much for my sins…maybe if I could have…no…she was always so stubborn…Pleaseforgive me Michiko…

The body moved. Not much, just slightly- but enough to bring the man out of his reverie.

"What the…?"

A tiny hand popped out from underneath the woman. The man could hear muffled sobs coming from underneath. He hesitated for moment, before he tenderly lifted the body onto its side. And what he saw surprised him. Shielded by his mother from the blast, was a little boy and very much alive. The boy's face was red from crying. He had stopped now but still occasionally sniffled. It seemed like the boy could somehow sense that his mother was no longer living. He was being brave now. The man gently laid the woman back down, placing just as she was before.The man was too ashamed to look at her face. __

The man regarded the small boy. He had completely forgotten about him. How he could have forgotten, the man did not know. Maybe he still thought of the boy as an infant, incapable of surviving the blast.

"What's your name, boy?" The man roughly asked.

"Kokoro Shinsetsu," the boy replied.

"Shinsetsu…" The man murmured, clearly his mind was somewhere else. The man got up and surveyed what was left of the apartment. Shinsetsu stared at the man. The man had short-cropped hair and cold, hard, calculating eyes. They pierced through the debris and bit like a snake. The man was in his late twenties; his nicely toned muscles showed through his black shirt. He prowled about the room like a panther, carefully examining every detail of his surroundings. He seemed to be looking for something- someone. The man squatted down beside another pile of fallen plaster. Shinsetsu craned his neck from where he stood, but all he could see was a pale masculine hand sticking out from the rubble. The man reached out and touched something. Shinsetsu couldn't read his face.Still expressionless, the man got up and walked back to Shinsetsu.

"My name is Odin Lowe. There's nothing left for you here, kid." 

Odin's gaze drifted to the masculine hand on the other side of the room. He snorted. His face filled with contempt, a cold silent anger and…jealousy?

Odin turned back to the young boy and regarded him with cold eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, the man abruptly turned around and started to walk away. 

"Coming?"He asked, not even turning to see if the boy was following him.

Shinsetsu followed him, and but then paused, wanting one last look at his mother…but her long black hair had fallen over her face like a shroud, hiding her porcline face forever…

************

Heero breathed deeply. Memories of Odin Lowe started to swell in his mind. Cold blood started to seep through his veins.

People will fuck you over if you get too close to them boy. Remember that.

Odin always worked with an eerie calmness but upon a closer look you could see the intensity in his eyes. Young Shinsetsu had watched carefully, amazed. Odin Lowe had an apt pupil. Shinsetsu always admired Odin's loyalty and dedication to the mission, and vowed to be just like him- but better. 

After all, what else was there for him in life?

It finally occurred to Heero that there was a possibility that Odin's dedication wasn't because of his love for it, but maybe there was something more to it. Maybe Odin was running from something. Something from his past maybe, an enemy perhaps…or maybe himself. Heero just couldn't put his finger on it. Still couldn't.

_I'll tell you one last thing…no matter what happens, act on your feelings_.

Odin had always taught Heero how to survive. Odin never gave speeches on morality- it just wasn't his way. But that day, Odin gave Heero a piece of advice that Heero would never forget. It just made so much _sense_ to Heero.

That way I don't regret things after the fact. That's the right way to live the moment to its fullest.

Odin used his dying breath to remind Heero of that. No matter how much he liked to resent Odin, Heero always found himself doing what Odin taught him to do. Heero and Odin never had the best of relationships. However, in that last year a truce had been called. Although Heero never completely understood Odin, the two finally seemed to understand each other on some instinctual level.

Heero sighed, returning to the here and now.

"Kokoro Shinsetsu," Heero whispered. "Somewhere, in another time and place, I was called Kokoro Shinsetsu."

"That's a beautiful name, Heero." Relena said soothingly. "It fits you perfectly. Your mother must have been a very kind and perceptive woman."

_And not one memory of her…_Heero thought sadly.

"Odin never called me that. He always called me kid or boy, then after awhile he just started to call me Odin. Odin Lowe Jr." Heero mused, saying the full name. "He got a big kick out of that." Heero paused. "He was an odd man."

Heero sat up, resting his hand on his chin. His eyes were far away- thinking.

"I am not Kokoro Shinsetsu. He died the day Odin Lowe came into his life." He stated with certainty.

Relena sat up, brushing her hand against Heero's cheek. Heero looked into her eyes.

"I'm not sure about that Heero," She replied. "Shinsetsu is dead in the sense that he never got to live the life he was meant to live. But I know somewhere in your heart, he lives on or else you wouldn't be the Heero Yuy I now know." 

Heero contemplated for a moment what Relena said.She had said a lot in that one sentence. Heero leaned over and kissed her with all the passion in his heart.

Thank you Relena, thank you for all the times that you've reminded me who I am. Thank you for seeing my heart…and soul.

Athena's Note: I hope you all enjoyed my fanfic! ~Please~ let me know what you think! FYI, Kokoro Shinsetsu means "Kind Heart" in Japanese. I'm looking forward to doing a backstory to this- possibly the first fanfic dedicated to Odin Lowe! Stay tuned!


End file.
